Dippity Douche Day

Yup, its that time again. I'm about to rant my ass off. Everyday that goes by the more and more disgusted I am of men. I just can't believe how much shit has happened me since I joined the dating world. Before I start bitching I know not all men are douches there are some decent human beings in the world but I'm sure we can agree after this entry that none of them have come my way.

First situation comes to mind. Males sending pictures of their privates. HA, the irony of the word. This actually happened FOUR times this year. Mind you...I did not ask, hook-up, or even talk to any of these males in any sort of sexual manner and they randomly send me their penis. DUDE COME ON?! You really think advertising your penis is going to make me want it? Majority of women find them hideous and ugly. What is this shit, I don't want to see your junk, and especially didn't want to see your junk appear on my iphone screen while talking to my mother. For fuck sake what is going on in this world? I'm just so disappointed and I feel so disrespected. 

Oh can't forget my favorite, assholes that claim they have slept with me. Wow, douchefag are you serious? One of these fags actually is one of the same idiots that sent me his junk. Ugh, I'm just tired of being harassed like this. This has happened way too many times. Even people I have dated and not slept with have dropped the same rumor. I'm just appalled at this universe. It's hard living as a woman and being hovered over by douches. I attempt to give the benefit of the doubt and all the does is sucker punch me in the face. 

Working at a bar brings a lot of harassment I have to deal with. It's not fun or funny. I'm a damn human being and I don't deserve to be treated like a rag doll. I've never ever dated anyone from work and the sad part is all the douches I have dated have all been from church. I guess I have a good eye for douche. 

Oh man and the persistence, some guys just are desperate and disgusting. Please don't effin like 19 of my pictures after you just added me on Facebook and we haven't formally met. Please don't use vulger language on my page or inappropriate comments. LAY OFF THE SMILEY FACES FAG. Shit man, San Fran is up North. Please don't call me to talk especially if I'm not interested in you. I don't know how many mean nice things I can say. NO I don't want you to walk me to my car, NO I don't want you to come down to my area to hang out, NO I don't have girlfriends for you to talk to too, NO I don't have any girlfriends for your friend, and NO I will never be attracted to your ugly ass. 

Nothing is more insulting than a guy who is absolutely hideous thinking he has a chance. DON'T hug me like that, DON'T touch me like that, DON'T look at me like that, DON'T even dare think of me like that. 

The funniest thing is when people put certain males on a pedestal telling me they're great guys and what not...the second I get to know them for some odd reason they get comfortable enough to lay out all their dirty secrets and I'm like wow even the so called great ones are the biggest pieces of shit. I just don't get it man, I feel like I'm cursed or God is seriously putting me through all this crap because my husband is going to be damn near perfect. 

I'm actually tired of bitching, I have to wake up early in the morning to pay a $500 speeding ticket. UGH FML.

Drenched in douche.

Holy douche. Divine douche.

Dirty douche. Dick douche. Dumb douche. Delusional douche. Dysfunctional douche. Dip shit douche.

God, PLEASE discontinue douche.

Welcome to douche city, Los Angeles, California! It's finally come to this... I've finally built up enough anger and disgust to post a douche entry. I'm soaked and dripping in doucheness. It's become almost effortless to become a douche either because the world is breeding stupid girls that allow the reproduction of douche or accept this whole new generation of douche. Then again, maybe they're like me and one time douche it up and peace out. The only annoying part about 'peace-ing' out is that is exactly what douche wants. I'm dying to get douche back.

At one point in my life I started waitressing and working at Dublin's in downtown LA (douche capital). Even before that I was kind of seeing this douche that lived in LA. I had just broken up with this amazing guy that I accidently turned douche. I've had a long life filled with douche before him and it got nothing, but worse after. On the rebound, I started hanging out with him a lot. I was ready to fall in love with just about anything at that point because I wanted to get over my ex desperately because he had already started enjoying his freedom, which would drive any girl with a menstrual cycle NUTS.

I started enjoying my single life, but in the mist of all that I consistently stumbled upon the world of douche. I mean everyone has had a douche in their life, but damn I was and still am on this roll since 2009 falling in out of lust with these certified douches. I've been told I'm just looking in the wrong places or getting involved with the wrong people, but that is pure inexcusable bullshit. No matter who I pick or where I am it does NOT mean we should accept their filthy behavior. There's no way I can pick that many WRONG guys consecutively. Heh, yeah there is, but that's besides the point.

I seriously wish I could post all these names to give their future hook-ups a warning of the epitome of douche that will soon come heir way so they won't waste a second of their time. I can honestly say I've had more douche than love in my life. It's a really sad story, I feel bad for my future husband...he has a lot to make up and live up to now that I know what I sure as hell do NOT want. It's a bad idea to date young, once again the spiritually elder camel jockeys are right again. Boys are just stupid, the saddest thing about that is that some are considered men.

Douche is this new phenomena that should be considered it's own species.

I don't understand how hard is it to NOT be a douche. Simply respect a women, they have the possibility to barren your child and make your ass pay child support. Yeah, that's your weed money and condom money gone. Try to douche again now, bitch. If you're thinking you can just bone a bitch on birth control, ha those are the real crazy whores. Enjoy your STDs then, dick.

Shout out to the cunts that are dumb enough to stick around with the douchebags. Honey, he wants easy pussy and the best reoccurring pussy for him is the one on his nuts. Makes his job even more effortless. He's in love with hooking up and sadly you're the only one just in love. It makes you look stupid, desperate, and repeatedly dumb. You're glorifying the douche and making women look bad. The future younger breeds of douche are surrounding him...they see the pussy addicted to the asshole and the gesture is then passed along. That is how I believe douche has been unfortunately continuing from generation to generation.

That's enough douche talk for me today, but here is a visual on how to immediately spot out a douche.

If you don't want to listen to me, listen to Kanye.

Let's have a toast for the douchebags
Let's have a toast for the assholes
Let's have a toast for the scumbags
Every one of them that I know
Let's have a toast for the jerk-offs
That'll never take work off
Baby, I got a plan
Runaway fast as you can.

-Douche you later, dude.

Holy Mackerel!

It's 7:30am and I am awake. Surprise Surprise...I'm not surprised. I got a lot of things floating in this enlarged walnut of a brain I have that I figure needs exploitation to shut up. And well look who it is...the internet aka anti-christ.

Well I need to be at work by 10am to take a stupid menu test that I've been cramming for since 2am. Hmm...I know I'm a procrastinator, but I'd just like to brag that I am a strongly dedicated procrastinator that gets it done. Yeah, I'll just say about anything in attempt to justify everything.

I apologize for cursing in advance, I am a strong believer of it being raunchy, trashy, and degrading. Recognizing my hypocrisy immediately redeems it, right...?

Relationship, relationshits, friendship, and friendshits. That is what is really on my mind facebook. I'm at this awkward stage in my life where I'm trying to figure things out without looking stupid, but I'm guessing God must have a great sense of humor. I was thinking about how you're to be monogamous in a polygamous world. I've greatly accumulated commitment issues throughout the course of living in California and also sadly manage to accept the norm instead of practicing traditional Egyptian roots. As I matured and got older I finally recognized I should have just followed the path of those camel jockeys. Unfortunately, I feel like I've dived too deep and can't swim back up.

I noticed how I only get piercings, but never any tattoos. Piercings are far less of a commitment than a permanent tattoo. I rather have a tiny scar that a little concealer would cover up instead of a tramp stamp of a Bentley emblem. I'll save an entry for stupid tattoo's later. Maybe it's the stoner in me, but I was comparing my relationships to piercings and tattoos. I have my septum and my belly button pierced, but I rarely ever show them. Keeping my piercings hidden, just like all my relationships, possibility of leaving scar, just like any relationship, and not to mention the pain/healing process, which is just like any failed relationship. I get bored easily and anything permanent isn't really one of my favorite things. I'm guessing this must be the the cause of my nightmares about marriage. I've had multiple dreams of in which I was getting 'married' and my reaction was screaming bloody murder down the aisle, in a wedding dress, yelling at how much I did not want to.

I only pray that just changes, my spiritual life is non existent and it truthfully upsets me. In my attempts to go to church, all I can think about is if I will combust into flames at any minute. I'm kidding by the way, I attempt to follow along and been great since I learned how to read Coptic. I might not understand what I'm reading, but it keeps my eyes from wondering and judging middle eastern apparel that greatly need to be introduced to g-strings. I'm sorry, but for the record ladies please refrain from wearing florescent colored panties under your tight white buntalones.

Merci :)

Good night!

Ignorance Is Bliss

I refuse to live in bliss. I've always chosen to live in bliss. Bliss can only take you so far obviously on false pretenses. People tend to underestimate my knowledge and my power. I refuse to be made a fool out of. Always follow your gut instinct and your initial intuition for it will take you far. I'm a strong believer of everything that happens is ultimately for a good reason. You learn from your mistakes and the mistakes of others. Music is listened to but music doesn't listen back. The bible listens and answers back.

I guess when you have nothing to say, your mind has thoughts that are too deep, too hard, too painful to bestow upon the human tongue or let alone the sanity of your own mind.

fin.

The Unexpected Life

So this is a little something I found on my Xanga that I wrote before I graduated. I had an assignment to give a toast to my fellow classmates and well here it is.

It’s official that my high school career has come to an end. The four years came as fast as a blink of an eye. High school is usually the climax of your life. It’s when you experience the highest limits of emotion quickly. You experience anger, fear, sadness, joy, disgust, surprise, curiosity, and acceptance. With these emotions that I’ve felt the strongest throughout these four years, I’ve tried my best to learn how to deal with each and every one of them maturely as an adult. I came to realize my future awaits me closely and I need to be ready for whatever it may bring. In order to do that I needed to learn how to deal with my emotions so they wouldn’t come in the way of my struggle to succeed in life. There were moments in my life where I reached each and every one of these emotions to their utmost potential. These moments were the unexpected.

I never expected having the chance to meet my dream celebrity but losing my best friend in the process. I never expected crashing my car and getting away with a lie. I never expected losing my childhood friendship. I never expected karma to bite me in the butt really good homecoming night. I never expected to feel so disappointed within myself. I never expected to be good friends with the jerk that didn’t put me on ASB. I never expected to be betrayed by the person I trusted the most. I never expected completely losing touch with my closest friends I had at church. I never expected breaking down multiple times uncontrollably in front of strangers. I never expected I’d ever be so vulnerable and open up so quickly. I never expected getting close to one of the most amazing girls I know during the Oklahoma production. I never expected befriending my worst enemies in Dragon Flicks. I never expected actually enjoying Dragon Flicks. I never would have expected one of my former childhood friends to be pregnant. I never expected long relationships that have lasted years to come to an end. I never expected a former teacher being murdered. I most definitely never expected high school to pass by so quickly.

And so the statement remains true that life is unexpected. I guess the greatest life lesson learned throughout the years of my high school career is to accept the fact life is unexpected. I will never be able to hold or control what the future has in store for me. I have to live with the fact that life isn’t predictable. You have to deal with situations on the spot. Most importantly you have to deal with them in a mature manner. I just hope I have finally gained that maturity as well as my classmates throughout these four years.

Despite all the downfalls to some these unexpected events they were what made my high school years. If it weren’t for them I wouldn’t learn how to deal with life in the future. I’ve also learned and accepted the fact that friends come and go. It doesn’t matter how many years you’ve known them, it’s what you have benefited from the years of knowing them. I’ve also learned life is too short to hold grudges.

Graduation is only a few days away and I just wanted to say it’s not the end, it’s the beginning. It’s the beginning of our new lives; it’s our time to shine as individuals. It’s the most precious and greatest gift of all; it’s a chance to start over. It’s what I have been working so hard for. I officially can shed the skin and image of what people see as me now and be what I want to be without my past interfering. I wish everybody the greatest luck in their future.

oh high school how I don't miss you.

What Doesn't Kill Your Mother, Makes You Stronger

My parents were both raised in Cairo, Egypt. My father whom is 15 years older then my mother had us move here when I turned two. My mother never wanted to get married, it was practically enforced by her family and in a sense the culture she lived in. It's what you can title an "arranged marriage". My mother obviously didn't know what she was getting into. She was young and naive, however the number one in her life was God. My mom didn't know she was marrying smoking, short tempered, inconsiderate man. He lied about his age, he was actually 16 years older than her. He took her away from her family. She didn't see her mom for more than 10 years. Her grandmother, my great grandmother passed away, the woman who raised her since she was born died recently and she hadn't seen her since the day we left Egypt, 18 years ago. My mother struggled with raising me, since my father was extremely stubborn and claimed I wasn't his daughter when I did something wrong. My mother was very weak and soft spoken until she was diagnosed with breast cancer. She then realized her stress and resentment over my father got the best of her. Through the faith, love, and dedication she gave to God he rewarded her with strength to overcome the cancer. Through all this trauma and heartache she grew a backbone for her own good. I admire all that she went through and still have the desire to keep believing in God. The faith she had was unbreakable. As a matter a fact, her name is Iman which means faith.

It's been hard for me to communicate with my parents. We have different views and outlooks on everything. I was raised in a different environment with different mentalities. It's highly impossible to collaborate Egyptian society with American society. One of my most specific challenges is finding spirituality in American society. Growing up in a public school where there are teenagers having sex like it was a normal thing to have in a relationship without being married to their partner and where not having it was abnormal, 16 year olds having babies, drug and alcohol abuse, divorced and broken families. Whereas, for Egyptians that behavior is intolerable and unorthodox. It's come to Spirituality vs Reality. Reality is just there, spirituality is something someone must obtain or bring into reality. Bringing spirituality per say a specific religion into my own life and facing reality is one of the most difficult obstacles I've been facing all my life. There is just far too much controversy when it comes to religion, its irritating. Opinions are like assholes, everyones got one. Having that said, hence my irritation. I most definitely do not have the strength to argue with arrogant idiots nor do I have the will to follow the many restrictions religion comes with. How on earth am I suppose to argue when I'm still arguing with my toughest criticizer, myself. 

Writing this about my mother brought me back to the thought of how difficult it was for me to write a personal statement my senior year. I'll never forget that assignment. We had to write about a life changing ability. Without a thought my mother's diagnoses came to mind. Throughout her diagnosis, I never cried, it never quite hit me because I had been in denial. It's had been three years later and I sat there, in front of my computer screen, focusing and thinking about what she went through and how horrible my fathers side of the family treated her, how she didn't have her loving mother by her side, how I was too scared to comfort her, how much pain and agony she went through I instantly started sobbing. It killed me just think about writing the assignment, I couldn't and I never did it. Its now five years since her diagnosis, I've become stronger through my mother over the years. I feel accomplished that I have officially gotten over my biggest fear in writing this. I feel as if i've completed that assignment I couldn't bare to write. Writing caused me to feel, anger, regret, sorrow, pain, and selfishness. It's been something I've needed to get off my chest and face because being bottled up and not speaking out almost cost my mothers life, I won't let it threaten mine. 

***It was mandatory for me to take a script writing class if I ever wanted to consider going to CSUN, so I sucked it up and took TVR 17A at PCC. I honestly liked the exercises in the beginning, I just wasn't a fan in writing a full on 30 page script. I do however have a scene that I'm somewhat proud of, I'll have to post it up one day & get opinions. I'd just like to say I am officially certified in television production and I'm 3 classes away from my achievement certificate which I am so excited to obtain. However, two of the classes aren't offered in the fall and PCC isn't having a winter session and I don't know if it is offered in the summer. Yikes, I guess ill just have to find out.   

:)

Shakira - She Wolf

Shaggy - Wasn't Me

Linkin Park - Numb

Jay-Z feat Kanye West & Rihanna - Run This Town

Dorrough Music - Ice Cream Paint Job

Been There. Done That. Messed Around.

Been There. Done That. Had Beef. Won That.

Today was an decent alright day. I saw Seth Rogen, whom is by far the funniest interview I have ever seen on Jimmy Kimmel. He was promoting his new movie 'Funny People'. The exclusive clip was hilarious. I was watching this special on the movie on Comedy Central really late the night before and it looks better than I expected.

Everything was alright, not really planning on getting to deep with this blog considering the fact I have to wake up at 10:30am and its hitting 4:00am as we speak. I just wanted to say I'm going to make some posts from my Xanga and put them on here that I think deserve to be on here.

I'm just really bummed that my precious new car got hit by some dumb ass that doesn't know the damn distance he should keep behind a BRAND NEW CAR. I was stopped at a red light and asshole just love taps me on my bumper. I just got super irritated considering the fact he is in a SUV Mercedes and has headlight bars you would learn by now to KEEP YOUR DISTANCE MORON.  

Alright, time to go night night. I need to get a lot done this weekend. I still got 100 more hours of interning & two other jobs that I need to request time off at. I need to deposit my check. I need to get my Central Casting on Monday. I need to write my internship essay. I need to take my English placement test at Citrus. I got to get into an English class or else I am screwed. I need some Advil right about now.

Au Revoir.

OH cannot forget...

La Roux - Bulletproof

Taking Back Sunday - Sink Into Me

Beatfreakz - Somebody's Watching Me

Nena - 99 Red Ballons

Silversun Pickups - Panic Switch