I officially do not know what to do with myself. I find myself in the same position I was when I was single.
Unhappy, unfulfilled, and unwanted.
There has only been one guy I've ever had feelings for. The reason why I don't call them 'true' feelings is because I dont even know if theyre even for the right reasons.
Something just something that is more than meets the eye when it comes to this boy. I love the way he says my name, I HATE MY NAME with a passion, but something in the way he says it makes me melt. No one in the world has ever made me feel that way about my name. I just knew something was different the moment he said my name. I love his voice. I love the way he talks. I love how he's nothing near serious. I love his smile, his perfect teeth, and his irresistible body. I love the way he makes me feel when I'm with him. I love his laugh. I love spending time with him. i love when he holds me. i love our inside jokes. i love how he does everything i want. i love when he calls me beautiful. I love when he kisses me. I love when he textes me 'hey whats up'. I love when he asks me 'what are these called?'. i love when we drive around and do nothing. i love watching movies with him. i love the way he whistles. i love the way he walks. i love his warm hugs. i love how he makes fun of me. I love how i'm never angry around him. i love how im never annoyed aorund him. i love how im never pissed around him. i love how im always HAPPY.
I hate when he's not there. I hate the way he makes me feel when he doesn't give me attention. I hate that every girl wants him. I hate that I never know when is going to be the last time i'll ever see him before we go MIA on each other for months. I hate when everything is great and he comes back in the picture and everything falls to pieces. i hate that I'm a mess without him. i hate that he's the only person i feel like this about. i hate that i care about him so much. i hate that i just cant let him go. i hate that he's a memory i can never erase. i hate that i have to write lame blog entries like this to express myself. i hate that if he saw this he would get scared away. I hate when he leaves the picture without a notice. i hate that i dont trust him. i hate how i cant read his mind. i hate how i will never know how he feels about me. i hate that i cant fall in love with anyone else. i hate that his the one i compare others to. i hate that he probably doesn't feel the same. i hate that i'll never know.
we've been on and off since 2006.
we've never been in a relationship & i never would get in one with him.
if you know me, i come off as heartless, careless, and selfish.
if you know me around him, i'm full of love, careful, and giving.
to me, he's like the next best thing next to edward cullen.
with the world im angry, when im with him im happy.
with the world im a bitch, when im with him im a sweetheart.
with the world im depressed & alone, with him im happy & wanted.
with the world im dead, when im with him im alive.
pictures stay people dont.
i'd give anything to fall out of love with you.
its pathetic.
just rubbish.
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