My parents were both raised in Cairo, Egypt. My father whom is 15 years older then my mother had us move here when I turned two. My mother never wanted to get married, it was practically enforced by her family and in a sense the culture she lived in. It's what you can title an "arranged marriage". My mother obviously didn't know what she was getting into. She was young and naive, however the number one in her life was God. My mom didn't know she was marrying smoking, short tempered, inconsiderate man. He lied about his age, he was actually 16 years older than her. He took her away from her family. She didn't see her mom for more than 10 years. Her grandmother, my great grandmother passed away, the woman who raised her since she was born died recently and she hadn't seen her since the day we left Egypt, 18 years ago. My mother struggled with raising me, since my father was extremely stubborn and claimed I wasn't his daughter when I did something wrong. My mother was very weak and soft spoken until she was diagnosed with breast cancer. She then realized her stress and resentment over my father got the best of her. Through the faith, love, and dedication she gave to God he rewarded her with strength to overcome the cancer. Through all this trauma and heartache she grew a backbone for her own good. I admire all that she went through and still have the desire to keep believing in God. The faith she had was unbreakable. As a matter a fact, her name is Iman which means faith.
It's been hard for me to communicate with my parents. We have different views and outlooks on everything. I was raised in a different environment with different mentalities. It's highly impossible to collaborate Egyptian society with American society. One of my most specific challenges is finding spirituality in American society. Growing up in a public school where there are teenagers having sex like it was a normal thing to have in a relationship without being married to their partner and where not having it was abnormal, 16 year olds having babies, drug and alcohol abuse, divorced and broken families. Whereas, for Egyptians that behavior is intolerable and unorthodox. It's come to Spirituality vs Reality. Reality is just there, spirituality is something someone must obtain or bring into reality. Bringing spirituality per say a specific religion into my own life and facing reality is one of the most difficult obstacles I've been facing all my life. There is just far too much controversy when it comes to religion, its irritating. Opinions are like assholes, everyones got one. Having that said, hence my irritation. I most definitely do not have the strength to argue with arrogant idiots nor do I have the will to follow the many restrictions religion comes with. How on earth am I suppose to argue when I'm still arguing with my toughest criticizer, myself.
Writing this about my mother brought me back to the thought of how difficult it was for me to write a personal statement my senior year. I'll never forget that assignment. We had to write about a life changing ability. Without a thought my mother's diagnoses came to mind. Throughout her diagnosis, I never cried, it never quite hit me because I had been in denial. It's had been three years later and I sat there, in front of my computer screen, focusing and thinking about what she went through and how horrible my fathers side of the family treated her, how she didn't have her loving mother by her side, how I was too scared to comfort her, how much pain and agony she went through I instantly started sobbing. It killed me just think about writing the assignment, I couldn't and I never did it. Its now five years since her diagnosis, I've become stronger through my mother over the years. I feel accomplished that I have officially gotten over my biggest fear in writing this. I feel as if i've completed that assignment I couldn't bare to write. Writing caused me to feel, anger, regret, sorrow, pain, and selfishness. It's been something I've needed to get off my chest and face because being bottled up and not speaking out almost cost my mothers life, I won't let it threaten mine.
***It was mandatory for me to take a script writing class if I ever wanted to consider going to CSUN, so I sucked it up and took TVR 17A at PCC. I honestly liked the exercises in the beginning, I just wasn't a fan in writing a full on 30 page script. I do however have a scene that I'm somewhat proud of, I'll have to post it up one day & get opinions. I'd just like to say I am officially certified in television production and I'm 3 classes away from my achievement certificate which I am so excited to obtain. However, two of the classes aren't offered in the fall and PCC isn't having a winter session and I don't know if it is offered in the summer. Yikes, I guess ill just have to find out.
:)
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