Dippity Douche Day

Yup, its that time again. I'm about to rant my ass off. Everyday that goes by the more and more disgusted I am of men. I just can't believe how much shit has happened me since I joined the dating world. Before I start bitching I know not all men are douches there are some decent human beings in the world but I'm sure we can agree after this entry that none of them have come my way.

First situation comes to mind. Males sending pictures of their privates. HA, the irony of the word. This actually happened FOUR times this year. Mind you...I did not ask, hook-up, or even talk to any of these males in any sort of sexual manner and they randomly send me their penis. DUDE COME ON?! You really think advertising your penis is going to make me want it? Majority of women find them hideous and ugly. What is this shit, I don't want to see your junk, and especially didn't want to see your junk appear on my iphone screen while talking to my mother. For fuck sake what is going on in this world? I'm just so disappointed and I feel so disrespected. 

Oh can't forget my favorite, assholes that claim they have slept with me. Wow, douchefag are you serious? One of these fags actually is one of the same idiots that sent me his junk. Ugh, I'm just tired of being harassed like this. This has happened way too many times. Even people I have dated and not slept with have dropped the same rumor. I'm just appalled at this universe. It's hard living as a woman and being hovered over by douches. I attempt to give the benefit of the doubt and all the does is sucker punch me in the face. 

Working at a bar brings a lot of harassment I have to deal with. It's not fun or funny. I'm a damn human being and I don't deserve to be treated like a rag doll. I've never ever dated anyone from work and the sad part is all the douches I have dated have all been from church. I guess I have a good eye for douche. 

Oh man and the persistence, some guys just are desperate and disgusting. Please don't effin like 19 of my pictures after you just added me on Facebook and we haven't formally met. Please don't use vulger language on my page or inappropriate comments. LAY OFF THE SMILEY FACES FAG. Shit man, San Fran is up North. Please don't call me to talk especially if I'm not interested in you. I don't know how many mean nice things I can say. NO I don't want you to walk me to my car, NO I don't want you to come down to my area to hang out, NO I don't have girlfriends for you to talk to too, NO I don't have any girlfriends for your friend, and NO I will never be attracted to your ugly ass. 

Nothing is more insulting than a guy who is absolutely hideous thinking he has a chance. DON'T hug me like that, DON'T touch me like that, DON'T look at me like that, DON'T even dare think of me like that. 

The funniest thing is when people put certain males on a pedestal telling me they're great guys and what not...the second I get to know them for some odd reason they get comfortable enough to lay out all their dirty secrets and I'm like wow even the so called great ones are the biggest pieces of shit. I just don't get it man, I feel like I'm cursed or God is seriously putting me through all this crap because my husband is going to be damn near perfect. 

I'm actually tired of bitching, I have to wake up early in the morning to pay a $500 speeding ticket. UGH FML.

Drenched in douche.

Holy douche. Divine douche.

Dirty douche. Dick douche. Dumb douche. Delusional douche. Dysfunctional douche. Dip shit douche.

God, PLEASE discontinue douche.

Welcome to douche city, Los Angeles, California! It's finally come to this... I've finally built up enough anger and disgust to post a douche entry. I'm soaked and dripping in doucheness. It's become almost effortless to become a douche either because the world is breeding stupid girls that allow the reproduction of douche or accept this whole new generation of douche. Then again, maybe they're like me and one time douche it up and peace out. The only annoying part about 'peace-ing' out is that is exactly what douche wants. I'm dying to get douche back.

At one point in my life I started waitressing and working at Dublin's in downtown LA (douche capital). Even before that I was kind of seeing this douche that lived in LA. I had just broken up with this amazing guy that I accidently turned douche. I've had a long life filled with douche before him and it got nothing, but worse after. On the rebound, I started hanging out with him a lot. I was ready to fall in love with just about anything at that point because I wanted to get over my ex desperately because he had already started enjoying his freedom, which would drive any girl with a menstrual cycle NUTS.

I started enjoying my single life, but in the mist of all that I consistently stumbled upon the world of douche. I mean everyone has had a douche in their life, but damn I was and still am on this roll since 2009 falling in out of lust with these certified douches. I've been told I'm just looking in the wrong places or getting involved with the wrong people, but that is pure inexcusable bullshit. No matter who I pick or where I am it does NOT mean we should accept their filthy behavior. There's no way I can pick that many WRONG guys consecutively. Heh, yeah there is, but that's besides the point.

I seriously wish I could post all these names to give their future hook-ups a warning of the epitome of douche that will soon come heir way so they won't waste a second of their time. I can honestly say I've had more douche than love in my life. It's a really sad story, I feel bad for my future husband...he has a lot to make up and live up to now that I know what I sure as hell do NOT want. It's a bad idea to date young, once again the spiritually elder camel jockeys are right again. Boys are just stupid, the saddest thing about that is that some are considered men.

Douche is this new phenomena that should be considered it's own species.

I don't understand how hard is it to NOT be a douche. Simply respect a women, they have the possibility to barren your child and make your ass pay child support. Yeah, that's your weed money and condom money gone. Try to douche again now, bitch. If you're thinking you can just bone a bitch on birth control, ha those are the real crazy whores. Enjoy your STDs then, dick.

Shout out to the cunts that are dumb enough to stick around with the douchebags. Honey, he wants easy pussy and the best reoccurring pussy for him is the one on his nuts. Makes his job even more effortless. He's in love with hooking up and sadly you're the only one just in love. It makes you look stupid, desperate, and repeatedly dumb. You're glorifying the douche and making women look bad. The future younger breeds of douche are surrounding him...they see the pussy addicted to the asshole and the gesture is then passed along. That is how I believe douche has been unfortunately continuing from generation to generation.

That's enough douche talk for me today, but here is a visual on how to immediately spot out a douche.

If you don't want to listen to me, listen to Kanye.

Let's have a toast for the douchebags
Let's have a toast for the assholes
Let's have a toast for the scumbags
Every one of them that I know
Let's have a toast for the jerk-offs
That'll never take work off
Baby, I got a plan
Runaway fast as you can.

-Douche you later, dude.